Yesterday after returning home from the gym I was in a bit of a funk.
Here’s what happened.
My trainer had me doing incline offset wide grip dumbbell chest press. Nothing too crazy, I think it was maybe a 25 or 30lb weight, but it being offset and wide grip this will work many more muscles to keep the proper form.
As I was finishing the first set I could feel, what I can only describe as static building in my head, getting louder and louder until it seemed like the world was starting to cave in on itself. So weird.
This has happened before, but this time was much worse. I wasn’t any more dizzy than normal, it just felt really strange.
I don’t think I’ve ever felt faint before, but if that is what it feels like: man does that ever suck.
I had to stop. I couldn’t do it.
My shoulders and neck have been feeling stiff lately so at the time I thought maybe it’s just a pinched nerve or a small blood flow issue or whatever so I’ll stretch, have some water. The trainer changed up the rest of the exercises to standing movements for the rest of the hour.
Not being able to do something because I physically can’t and add the fact that my body has a death-grip on fat right now makes me feel like a worthless piece of garbage, hence the funk.
At home, I sit down at the computer and start searching for answer in an effort to understand why my body hates me and the internet returns diagnosis: feeling faint, or about to pass out, blackout, white out.
Don’t worry, I already have a doctor’s appointment scheduled for this morning anyways so I’ll be sure to inquire.
Not feeling satisfied with what I read, I start writing. Why not, it might be worth reading I thought. This is the first line I wrote yesterday:
“Feeling discouraged and have pretty bad case of the fuck-its right now, so I’m just going to write down some shit until I snap the fuck out of this self-destructive funk I’m currently in.”
I keep writing.
What I wrote is a lot more personal that I care to share with the entire world, but I wanted to share that particular passage because it speaks about just getting the thoughts out, weather just speaking or writing about what we have going upstairs.
I kept on writing until I started to feel better in general because I know that how I felt in the moment is not how I was going to feel in an hour.
After about five-hundred words I stopped writing and then carried on with the rest of my day.
I reread it this morning and was inspired to share it on the blog in hopes that it might be something that someone needs to hear.
I chose to write, but you can talk to someone, record a video or a voice note, make a post on social media or however else you want to let it out, get it out. Reflect on it. Understand that what you might feel in the moment is not what you’re going to feel forever.
There is blue skies today.